I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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