I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
