We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
