you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
