He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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