Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
