There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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