If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
im holly from the hills drunk
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
