so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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