the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
