I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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