Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
