He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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