your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
