The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I stole a fireplace last night.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
