is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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