some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
