Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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