You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
