I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
