I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
