Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
