Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
