his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
