I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
