I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
