she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
