We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
