So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
