my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
