i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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