I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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