I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
We smell like vodka and hangover
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