I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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