I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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