Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
