your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
