Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
