Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
