Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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