How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
