ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
