She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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