Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
