im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
