R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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