The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
