That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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