I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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