I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
