never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
