not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
